Well the last four weeks of school FLEW by! I cannot believe it's over! There are so many things this blog could be about so I'll probably just pick a small portion to talk about. I realized when I got home that the phrase "go lower" or “lower still” hasn’t really been defined in my blogs even though I used the term. Well I'll be honest, even after I had my experience of wanting to be in the lowest place, I found myself a few days later wondering what getting lower even meant. So I will say that it was something the Lord helped me understand. During week nine I had an experience I will never forget. There is a market in the local village about a 10-15 minute walk away from the base. I walked there with 2 friends to get some fruit so we wouldn't have to take a trip all the way to town. Well I was still in quite a bit of pain from my mango worm and had to constantly guard my leg so it wouldn't get bumped in to. It was a hot day that day and I had never been to this market yet. Also the atmosphere was much darker than I had expected. There were lots of people crowding in small isles, children hanging off of me, and guys looking me up and down. I had just had a fever the previous day and my patience level was low. On top of trying to remember why I even went to the market, I became overwhelmed with the smell of rotting fish that were laying out for sale. I was disgusted to be honest. And then...sweet Jesus, once again, spoke to me "get lower". In that moment I understood completely what it meant. I took a deep breath in and embraced that potent smell and had a big sincere smile on my face and just fell in love with every Mozambican that was around me. I no longer felt the pride that had been choking me like weeds. I desired to serve them. This immeasurable amount of compassion flowed through me in waves. I would've even helped pick up all those fish if the table would've fallen over, and I wished that I had soap and water to wash their clothes and warm food to feed them and just to be able to take their place sitting at their booths so that they wouldn’t have to smell that fish all day and gosh the list really continues. There is no possible way that if I tried hard enough that I would have been able to well up those feelings and compassion on my own. Once again I was shown that it is Jesus in me that births life. I am the stranger on the cross next to Jesus whose hands and feet are nailed to the post. There is nothing in my power that I can do to earn my identity as “Daddy’s girl”. The same grace that was poured out for me and the same precious blood that was shed was the same measure poured out for every single person around me that day. On graduation day, the Father said to me “How could you ever have pride in my presence?” It was said in a tone that would stir up possible answers to the question. The truth became known to me that it is impossible to have pride when you come to even a slight understanding of God’s grace. There is no other option but to say “Why me God?”
One last sweet little story. See this boy?
Well, he wrecked me for good haha. August 2 I went up to the prayer hut before class to pray since there was no one in the hut. I then had two boys come up to me, him (Rosado) being one of them, and started asking for my stuff, which was common. But I really just wanted to pray that morning and I wanted to dust them off, but then the thought came to me instead of hiding my ipod to just play worship music outloud. I figured I could handle that. So I told Rosado I was going to pray now and I got on my knees and face on the bed thing in the picture and this awesome kid sits on the edge, puts his head down, and starts praying intensly. I was taken aback. I had not really been able to see the children that sought after the Lord. So I told him he could come up on the mat with me and he smiled and got on his face too and just prayed and worshiped with me for like 45 min! Even though he couldnt speak one word of english, something that day was translated farther than words could go. I could not stop giggling and neither could he. I will cherish that moment forever! This boy was 10 years old and taught me more than any sermon could have. :)
Now that I am already back at school I have been trying to process the things I learned this summer. It’s definitely harder than I thought. I was having those feelings again of not feeling any different than I did before the summer and I know that is not true. I have reached a new level of intimacy with the Father, my beloved Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all individually. I have grown into a deeper desperation for heaven and to live completely out of the Presence and the secret place. I have reached a new level of needing the body of Christ. I am only one very small piece. I have come into a greater awareness of the need to go lower and always grow in humility. I now also see even more that there is never a time where I cannot boldly approach the throne. I realized even sitting in my little living room today that I am in God’s presence whether I want to be or not haha..I am so thankful that God is not moved based on my feelings, once again.
There is so much more to say. I hope to post again soon with more things that God did this summer. Ill try to post one just about the outreach that I went on to the bush bush.
Love you all. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Bless you so much!
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