I came across this today, and it spoke to me.

I used to think my self-doubt and insecurity about writing were signs of my profound humility. It felt noble and heroic to be this full of agonizing self-doubt. It felt lowly and meek to be so tortured about whether or not I could write. I could almost hear the soundtrack and the violins. If there’d been open, windswept moors nearby, I’d have been on them.

But that’s the thing about pride. It hides itself.

The more I go on, the more I realize, it’s entirely the other way round. Our self-doubt and insecurity don’t reveal our humility; they mask our pride.

When you’re doubting whether you can do it, whether you’re a good writer, you’re looking to yourself, what you can do, what resources you have. You’re focused entirely inwardly, on yourself.

It’s pride because it means you think it’s all about you.

But if you realize it’s not about you — that whatever you have is a gift from God — if, in other words, you get out of the way — then you can be fearless. There is no vision too great, nothing too outrageous to dream, nothing too impossible to dare.

–Sally Lloyd-Jones

Distractions.

Sigh. Distractions, no matter how big or small, seem to be the most common thing that steals from intimacy with the Lord. 

Today I read this:

"To whom do you choose to belong? Who owns-rules-claims you?

Some thing? A person? Your own self? Everyone lives owned. 

No such thing as independence. It's God or...bondage."

~Martha Kilpatrick

I also had just recently read something by Mother Teresa that, in summary, said if we are not increasing the light, then we are adding to the darkness. 

Both of those were very heavy to me. 

I forget so easily that dying to myself MUST be a daily thing. I forget how much I cannot trust my own wants and schedules and thoughts. He really is the only one I can trust, but the more distractions I let come into my life, the harder it is to be surrendered. 

I really noticed this week when I spent so much time reading books, watching movies, playing some silly game on my phone,  and really anything else to pass the time...and for what reason? 

Due to those ridiculous things, I completely missed out on an adventure with Him. 

I don't want the distractions, the things that waste my time. I know when school starts that my time will become very limited and precious. If only now I could not waste these last 22 days of summer. 

The Lord is Worthy. 

Lesson about my Dad from my dad.

Background:  I have an Awesome dad. I learn about the Father's heart all the time from watching him. Since I'm going to Law School in the fall, this summer is being spent here with my family in Louisville and I work for my dad, just doing whatever he needs help with.

So today I was cutting the grass in the backyard and I noticed there were a lot of mounds of dirt caused by moles. We've had trouble with moles in the past, but after a season of my dad catching a couple a day, they disappeared for a couple of years. Now they are back, and they've brought all their relatives with them.

Since it takes a couple hours to mow the grass, I was pondering different ways that I could get rid of the moles to help my dad out. After a couple ideas, I remembered that unless my dad had the desire and/or idea to get rid of the moles himself, he really could care less about them. So, even if I spent a lot of time and effort into getting rid of them thinking it would be a nice thing to do for my dad, he wouldn't care and would maybe say a simple thank you.

Before I was going to complain to myself about my dad, the Father corrected me, and showed me how that part of my dad was created specifically to reveal the Father's heart!

The Father does NOT want us to do things that we "think" would help Him out.

My dad would much rather me come and sit with him while he works than for me to spend my efforts doing things that he isn't doing or caring about.

The Father is very similar. He knows that our time is precious (He gives it to us) and He does put dreams and desires in our heart. BUT the work that He has for us is specific and in His timing.

Just like with the moles, in order for it to be worth anything, I have to wait til my dad is ready, regardless of how much I want them gone now.

The Bible

The past thirty days, I, along with a few other people, read the entire Bible. Now when I began this challenge I had no idea what it would look like or how difficult that would be. It ended up being about six hours of reading every day!  I don't mean this in a boastful way, I just mean to express the dedication it took and the Grace from the Father that was necessary for this to happen.
A few thoughts:
I don't know that the Bible is meant to be read in thirty days like this. Yes, this challenge was from the Lord and I am glad I did it.
But what I do know is that the Bible is meant to be read with intentionality and intensity. It is to be studied and meditated on.  It is the Bread of Life! I don't know about you, but I eat at least three meals a day just to have 24 hours of mortal life. How much more then do we need for spiritual sustenance?

Honestly until now, I would read a chapter here and there as I would hang out with the Lord but I thought that reading the Bible too much was a religious thing. But I have to say that there is NOTHING "religious" about seeking the Lord in the scriptures.

"From the moment a soul has the grace to know God, she must seek." -Mother Teresa
Through reading His word all the way through I have encountered a new side of the Lord. He has expanded my vision and my view of Him. 
Here's the deal:
            The Lord is Good!
            He has a plan.
            The Lord LOVES His people,
            and what He asks of us is to love Him back with all that we have.
    
This is seen throughout the entire Bible! (even in Leviticus)
Another thing,
The words that Jesus speaks in the gospels apply to every day of your life.
I had no idea how much Jesus really encompasses everything that we are to encounter.
By saying all of this about the Bible, I am not discrediting listening to the voice of God today. That is just as/more important. Studying scripture without listening to the Spirit who wrote the Word is frustrating and seemingly pointless. Revelations come from Him!
He is speaking today. AND He is speaking with scripture.
It is NOT either or, it is both and MORE!!!!

Pursuit

Do you ever have those weeks that feel like a grind and all you want to do is encounter God? Where you have been thinking about Him a lot, but don't have the time to be on your face in His presence?

Well that's how this week has been for me. Last week felt like a vacation with Jesus and this week felt like the desert.

The key is to not give up when these times come to you.

Since I have noticed this week was rough, I have really been speaking truth over myself and speaking outloud His heart for me. I know that He wants us to PRESS IN for His presence. It is normal for there to be resistance when seeking for something so great! It makes it that much sweeter when you encounter Him.

Well today I just sat down at the computer and turned on a song that my awesome friend sent me on facebook-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f3VH_bS42o&NR=1
I have listened to this before and it wasn't really my favorite but within 10 seconds of the song playing, I felt the Holy Spirit come so strongly into my kitchen and it was so easy for my spirit, soul, and body to be in alignment with the worship playing.

He is good!

"A five-second hug from the Holy Spirit can do more for you than a year of discipleship training"
~ Papa Rolland Baker

Day 1 of 30 day Challenge

What is the 30 day challenge? Reading the Bible, cover to cover, from April 17-May 17.

Day 1.

Well, this is already looking very different than I imagined. I spent about 6 hours reading the Bible today including 3 different sessions reading with people. I wouldve never guessed I'd be up til 2 on a Tuesday night reading Genesis with 5 people I've never met before.
                                                                  Thank you Lord!

Everyone I read with today had such incredible revelations!

Today we read: Psalm 1-5, Prov. 1, Genesis 1-20, Ecclesiastes 1-6, and Matthew 1-7.

I'm starting to realize a little bit more the amount of dedication this will take.

Lord fill us up.
         Let your word find good soil in us.
                    Let us eat of the Bread of Life.
                               Keep our eyes on You.

Fasting

These are some of my own personal thoughts and revelations I have had recently about fasting.

Firstly I would like to say that fasting is not impossible. Somehow we have a tendency to believe the lie that fasting is not for us, but for super-Christians or intercessors only. As followers of Jesus, we are called to a lifestyle of prayer and fasting.

Fasting: dying to the flesh and yeilding to the Spirit; the decision of showing that God is better than food; being firm in loyalty; being hungry; humbling yourself to know who God is verses who you are; etc...the list goes on.

In Isaiah 58, fasting is to (1) loosen the bonds of wickedness; (2) undo heavy burdens; (3) help

the oppressed go free; (4) give bread to the hungry; (5) receive the light of revelation in God’s

Word; (6) for emotional and physical health; and (7) that righteousness would break forth. (taken from Mike Bickle)

When you are fasting,  you get hungry (obviously), and you become thankful. When I was in Africa, the Lord repeatedly showed me how much more thankful I was when I was living a simple life there. It can be difficult to live simply or experience that here in America, but it doesn't have to be. When you're fasting, you could feel hunger within a few hours and the experience has already begun. I believe this is one of the reasons Jesus calls us to fasting. We are called to be thankful ALWAYS!  If you look at children, the ones who are spoiled are usually the least thankful. But praise the Lord we don't have to remain that way!
Fasting is choosing the opportunity to eat straight out of the palm of God's hands!
Fasting brings up un-dealt with issues in your life. Usually we have the strength and capacity to place filters on our mouths and reactions when around people, but when in weakness, it is easier to see reactions directly from the heart. No one enjoys seeing their issues brought to light, but this brings the opportunity for Jesus to fix the root of the issue and fill that place with the Holy Spirit and with Truth.

Fasting humbles you. It brings you to the reality that you are weak without the strength of the Spirit of Life. The strongest man alive would become weak quickly without food, there are no exceptions. Fasting brings an opportunity to trust God. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." These choice words by Jesus were applied into another context, but it is truth nonetheless. Our body is weak, and when we fast it brings us to that realization. When we then focus on our spirit, we see that it is so willing to pray and be in alignment with the Father.
                        Fasting without prayer turns into a body pouting in its lack of food.

If the whole time you are fasting you are thinking and talking about food and when you are going to eat it, then maybe the flesh is getting too much of your attention..Ask the Lord to set you mind on things above and you just might even forget you hadn't eaten.

John 6:25-59
vs. 27 says "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

Also, I have personally found that fasting with friends brings great encouragement and accountability :)
Happy Fasting!